McCarthy, McKenzie and Me

We were wrecked out Rigel way,
McCarthy, McKenzie and me.
Now the rules say, when castaway,
You must start a colony.

Well, I was as plain as a girl could be
And never an offer had I,
But I started to grin when the thought set in
Of McCarthy, McKenzie and I.

McCarthy was handsome and tall and bold,
McKenzie was broad and strong.
As the only girl in the whole damn world,
How could my plans go wrong?

I thought that they were he-men both,
But it was soon proved a lie.
McC and McK, they turned out gay,
And left in the cold was I.

I said to them, "You call yourselves men.
Whatever your preference be,
The rules say, when castaway,
You must start a colony."

Well, just when things were looking grim,
A ship fell out of the sky.
We thought that we would rescued be,
McCarthy, McKenzie and I.

But the other craft was crippled, too,
Its engines were blown and battered,
And out of the ship an alien tripped,
Its clothes all torn and tattered.

We looked at each other in puzzlement,
Wondering what it could be.
We could only stare at the alien there:
Was it reptile, bird, or tree?

The first words that the alien spoke
To McCarthy, McKenzie and me
Were, "The rules say, when castaway,
You must start a colony."

Its shipmates had all perished in space,
It met us with cries of delight,
And one thing was clear through its tattered gear:
It was a hermaphrodite!

So don't despair when lost in space
With shipmates not good for much.
If you can't breed by the regular creed,
Then hatch 'em from a clutch!

(Spoken) Thank God!
That the rules say, when castaway,
You must start a colony,
For we found true joy with our alien boy...
(Spoken) And girl!
McCarthy, McKenzie and me.

© 1986 by Janet Wilson and Beth Stevens

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